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00:00 / 01:10

Picture this: I had just bull rushed a wave that had a whole lot more force than I expected. It knocked me flat on my ass, spun me around, and shot me up the beach feet first. Now, at this point I was fine. Only my pride was bruised. I wasn't in any danger of drowning- until some half- in- the- bag, leather skinned, bleach blonde in a Corona bikini decided it was her life's mission to save me. She snatched hold of my foot and wouldn't let go. "I got ya! Don't you worry about goin' footballin' all over the beach darlin'!" Never mind that I didn't know what on earth all that meant, (I don't speak fluent "Southern") I couldn't sit up and the waves were still rolling in and I was laughing about it too! I mean come one, what's more funny than a drunk hoisting your foot in the air in a half-wit attempt at saving your life? Every time I got a reprieve from the rushing water, I would yell to let me go. "For F-", wave, "For F**-", wave, glub, glub, "For the love-", wave gargle, gargle, "For f*** sake let-" FINALLY my couisin got to her and had to, literally, tear her off of me! I sat up, spit out the salt water and sand assaulting my palette, and howled with laughter. Sigh... I'm assuming that "footballin' all over the place" doesn't translate to "You're an expert surfer."

Listen above to hear the cousins laugh while telling the story. The audio isn't so great but the laughter rings true. Warning: there are a few F bombs